August 11, 2011

Forgive me once again, as i struggle with the doubts of who You are. My stupid, ignorant, frail self, confused by the 'pleasures' of this evil world, becomes blind and deaf to Your Grace time and time again. Although i know You are True, You are Love, You Are, i forget. i am distracted. i get caught up in the ways of this world. But that changed, with You, that night, when You made Yourself clear. A night when no one else was around, when all was silent, and a gentle breeze and rain filled the sky. i questioned You, Your methods, Your ways, in my arrogance and confusion. Why? Something i could not comprehend, but You, in Your loving Grace and Mercy, showed me, an unworthy subject, You. My life changed. A path i thought could be deemed worthwhile, prevalent to Your Will, was shown differently by You Yourself. Laying on the ground, as rain poured onto my face, and the stars glimmering in the sky, as i shouted to You, "Where are You? Why am i? i want to hear You!" i asked for a sign, a symbol, a confirmation. Nothing coincidental, but yet, something that i, and only i, could comprehend. On a night where meteors would be abundant, none showed. When normally rain, hitting the skin in the cool of the night, would cause me to shiver, i felt warm. When nothing but the smell of rain and freshness, was suddenly penetrated and overwhelmed by a fragrance my senses had never experienced, when all around me was cold, soaked and wet, i felt free, warm and loved. it was then, and only then, that You made sense. Not the sense that has intrinsic value to us humans, but the sense that can only be experienced by knowing You. You appeared in a way that wouldn't be understood by everyone, but just me. A way that showed You loved me, for me. And i vowed that night, to do whatever i could possibly do, to never doubt again. To never give in again. To please You, and only You. To surrender all that i am, to depend solely upon You. Such emotions from that night will never be forgotten, and if i ever falter in times of trouble again, i will recall that night, and remember that moment of Truth that You revealed to me, allowed me to see. i thank You, for everything. Everything You've done, have done, will continue to do, knowing that i will probably mess up, fail You, pile dirt on Your name, misrepresent You, repeat the actions that You sacrificed Yourself for, sin. Your Love, i'll never fully grasp or comprehend. But one thing i do know: You Are. Thanks.