Why Do We Wait?

As this quarantine causes a lot of us to be more "alone" than we're normally used to, it's also caused me to be more alone with my thoughts as well. As I realize that there are definitely people I miss, I think about the people who I appreciate spending time with and their friendships. 

This has me thinking the (most likely) common question "Why do we wait to tell people how we feel about them?" Why do we wait until it's too late, or never at all? Is this some unspoken rule that people inherently follow? Are we not supposed to tell people how much they mean to us? As I look back on many years, I realize that I see/hear (and sadly, say) more negative things and criticisms than I do compliments. 

Is this something that we'd rather hear from people instead of telling people? If that's the case, maybe that's why people hardly ever hear it, because it requires someone saying it first. Then I wondered, is this something that makes us uncomfortable? (to say, or even hear?).

Even as I'm writing out these thoughts, I'm finding it difficult to bring myself to speak words of genuine appreciation to certain people on my mind (even though there are a lot of people I appreciate and really want them to know this!). Why is this? Is it because I/we are afraid people won't accept what we're saying or won't really care to hear what we have to say? Or is it because I/we are worried that by voicing our appreciation for people, that it means we have to commit and follow through with those words with more action? Maybe it's because if we don't say anything, we don't feel obligated to have to do anything with it, and we can hope that everyone just assumes they're appreciated?

I honestly don't know. Here's to more thinking.

What do you think?

Coin Experts Survey - 2015

Today's post is brought to you by Susan Schwartz with International Precious Metals. She spent quite some time conducting this survey and pulling everything together. Fellow Numismatists, read this post with pleasure.


I was recently interviewed in a survey of coin & numismatic experts, with questions dealing mostly with both modern and rare US currency. The opinion questions covered everything from Pennies to dollars, as well as bills and coins which are both in and out of circulation. Overall, the survey produced some interesting results, with 56% of experts predicting that the Penny will be phased out by the US Mint in year 2026, and 28% predicting that the $2 bill will be brought back at some point. Below are the questions and my answers. Check out the full coin experts’ survey to see the other experts’ answers in a nice visual representation.

1) Will the Penny be phased out? If so, what year? Yes: 2020-2025

2) What President deserves his own denomination? Reagan

3) Will there ever be a new denomination? No

4) Which coin/bill will the US Mint bring back into mass circulation? Susan B Anthony Dollar

5) What is the most overvalued coin on the market? Liberty Shield Nickels

6) What is the most undervalued coin on the market? Majority of all wheat Pennies

7) What is the hardest coin to locate? The 5 remaining Liberty Shield Nickels

8) What is your favorite coin? 1955 Double Die Lincoln Penny

9) What is your favorite Coin Series? 1959 - 2008 Lincoln Pennies

I hope you enjoyed this post today! Be sure to check out the full results of the survey at coin experts’ survey

Realities of a Preacher's Kid

     This is something i've been thinking about a lot lately (probably because i am one!), but i've noticed some things that are apparently different in the life of a person who is the child of a preacher. [Funny thing is, i'm not just a Preacher's kid, but i am also a Missionary kid as well as a home-schooled kid (mostly elementary), so i should really be one of the craziest/strangest people you've met, stereo typically.]

1. Mistakes Stand Out

     Let's look at Person A and B. Person A is a non-preacher's kid, while Person B is a preacher's kid. They both are given the same situation/circumstances. However, if Person A reacts negatively to his situation, it is deemed a 'normal response' while if Person B reacts in the same negative manner, it is seen as a crime of some sort. Now i am not saying that one kid is better than the other, but it almost seems as if having the label of a 'preacher's kid' grants that person a sort of 'not capable of doing wrong' perspective from other's eyes. It's as if the 'bar of expectations' is immediately raised for a preacher's kid in relation to everyone around them.
     Over the course of time, this has begun to make a lot of sense to me. From a non-preacher's kid perspective, you would expect a PK to be a lot more like their father/pastor figure, but the reality is: they are just another person. Sure, they might be raised differently, but we all learn and experience things in a similar manner anyway, even if it is through mistakes.

2. Some People Put On "Face" Around You

     This one probably gets to me the most. i can't say i speak for all Preacher's Kids when i say this, but i just want to have people be their real selves when they are around me. i don't want their behavior to temporarily change just because they are around a 'preacher's kid' so they have to act all 'churchy' when we hang out.
     Adults. i've noticed this a lot in some of them, too. If they see a preacher's kid, they usually change their behavior around them as well (i guess it's because they fear that if they make a mistake, the kid will tattle to the pastor and then they will be seen as horrible in the pastor's eyes). Other times it is as if they expect me to brag on them to my Dad (their pastor) if they speak of something 'seemingly significant' on a church-related subject. (Granted, i usually brag about the amazing things that people do anyway. i just don't always let that person know i bragged about them.)

3. Whatever Biblical Knowledge/Desire You Have Is Expected

     If someone meets someone who is consistently reading their Bible and seeking the things of God, they may be impressed or even inspired. However, i've noticed usually that if that person is a preacher's kid, it's seen more in the light of 'they are supposed to do that, it's not like they have a choice.' The truth is: we do.
     Any person can have the choice to learn more about God. Some people will devote many hours a day to learn and others will devote many more hours a day to not learn. That's fine.
     Sometimes i feel like less of an impact on others' lives because the answers/advice i give them based on the questions that they ask me is 'expected.' (i usually get this response, "i'm glad you're a preacher's kid, cuz i don't know who would know that." .....any Christ-following Christian would have an answer for you!) It's almost as if being a preacher's kid is a "Title" that grants knowledge and abilities that non-preacher's kids can not have.
     There have been a few points in my life that i wished that i was not a preacher's kid, so that my desire/knowledge of the Bible would seem more impressive and inspiring to others...but i can't be sure that if i grew up not being a preacher's kid, that i would even be interested in the Bible.


     Although these are just a glimpse of the things that i've realized in my life, i am aware that there are many more things that a preacher's kid experiences and can expect to encounter in their lifetime.

Oops

Do you ever have those moments when you think back on a situation of yours that was embarrassing or completely silly, walk yourself through it, and then cringe as if it happened again? Yeah, i do that quite a bit. In fact, i plan on telling you some of these instances. (i hope you enjoy a good laugh if nothing else is gained from this post).

One instance was back in 5th grade during a Christmas party thing. Everyone received a gift from someone else (the whole 'Secret Santa' shindig) and we all received a generic gift from the teacher. Our teacher gave us these cool little flashlight looking things (they had fiber-optic strings on the end of them and a light on the other). The gift i was given was a handheld racing game. Pretty fun, i have say. Anyway, i instantly began playing it and got in the zone (that gamer 'tunnel vision') and it just so happened that one of my classmates asked if they could see my gift. So, without hesitation, i handed her the light up gift. She had clearly stated she would like to look at the racing game, but in my distracted state, i assumed otherwise. It resulted in a few seconds of silence as i began to figure things out. Still kinda cringe when i think about it.

Another instance was during a class in middle school (must have been Literature or something) and the teacher was out of the room. i overhead a couple classmates complaining about a person, telling about a certain situation they were in. Well....i only heard a very small fraction of the story, and i immediately thought of a completely different situation about a completely different person, and wildly interrupting the two, i let them have it. i (in that half second moment) was completely proud of my ability to defend this person and their character, only to find out that i had made an idiot of myself. That one hits the Cringe-O-meter pretty hard.

Oyyy...this next one just proves how silly and....well, strange i can be. It happened to be senior year at prom. The music was set, people were thinking about dancing, but mainly just chatting. The main event and pictures had already taken place, so it was in the 'social slumber' stage where people were kinda lingering around waiting for something to happen. So a few two-stepping songs start to play and people dance again. Fun fun. Then a song that would work well for someone who knows how to break dance began playing (actually, it may have just been a regular song, and i assumed wrong, making myself to be even more of a silly idiot) and i thought, "Hey, this would be the perfect time to step up to the spot light and.....stand on my hands." Haha. i am very thankful at the politeness (or extremely quiet criticisms) which resulted from my 'performance.' And to make matters worse, i did it again. Yes, i am crazy.

Ok, that's all i can bear to reveal about my silly self and embarrassing mistakes of my past at this time. 

But i do have a point in all of this. i learned something valuable (in my opinion) from many, many, many instances such as these.....i'm alive and capable of these things. Yes, i do make extremely silly decisions from time to time, but i don't make the same one over and over. i have learned from them. 

So, if any of you who happen to read this can mildly relate...then relax. The vast majority of us do things that make us cringe at that moment and when we think back on it. It's life. Just focus on what's ahead, put the past behind you, and move on.

Learn from your past. Don't dwell on it.

Desperation and Forgetfulness

Desperation. What does that mean?

Feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with. (of an act or attempt) Tried in despair or when everything else has failed; having little hope of success.

For what you believe in, for what you stand up for, are you desperate for that? Do you cling to that because you don't think anything else will do? Every day, do you wake up with it on your mind, only to finish the day with it still on your mind? i know that i can't say this all the time.

Imagine being trapped in a room, completely sealed shut. No doors, windows, cracks, vents...no means of letting anything in or out. Time, and air, is running out. It's only then, that you start to really appreciate the ability to breathe. But just as all hope seems lost, an opening is made in a wall, and the coolest, cleanest breeze of oxygen flows through and fills up that room.

Question...

When you take that first breath of air....do you savor it? How about the second...or third...or nth? How long do you go, enjoying the ability to breathe, and breathe, and breathe......before you forget that you were in that moment of desperation, and removed all blindness to a need for air....and end up taking for granted the amazing and complex system of respiration that it hides in the back of your mind...only to be forgotten again.

So, Christians....why don't we live each and every second with Christ on our mind? The One who saved us, "while we were still sinners." [Romans 5:8] It's crazy, not to mention frightfully convicting, that (many times) i have been able to go a whole day.....without intentionally focusing on my Savior. Shoot.

Is there a cure for this? A formula? A one-time action that will fix our forgetfulness? .....Nope. And to be honest, the problem isn't just forgetting, but neglecting and intentionally taking our focus off of the very Creator who gave us life, hope, and the ability to think.

Not all is lost. We are able to fight this. It's a daily battle, picking up the Bible. The divinely inspired, God-breathed, living Word of God. To be digested and immersed in....daily. [Galatians 5:16] "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." Yup.

Out of all the experiences i've had in my life, from extraordinary events in another country (some life-threatening), to other events that are just...out of this world or on a spiritual level that i can't quite explain in text....i still forget. i don't remember. Maybe, just maybe, i'm so content, complacent, comfortable....not dying daily to myself, so that i can end each day with self-humiliation and Christ-exaltation. But, fortunately (maybe?) to my comfort, i'm not the only one who forgets things such as this....Take, for instance, Joshua 4...God commands Joshua to have the group of people cross the Jordan. Waters parted...unnaturally. Why would someone forget something like this? Although, in addition to crossing through the parted waters, God commanded that one person from each of the twelve tribes pick up a stone and set it on the other side of the Jordan....as a memorial to that day....so that they had something to remember, to tell their children...because they would forget. That memorial served as a reminder.

What rock memorials are you creating in your life today? What steps are you taking to not forget?

[i just thought of Deuteronomy 8...you should give it a read....right now.]

Don't forget.

It's Time

It's time. (Bear with me, composition is not one of my strengths.)

Time to open up. i already can't stand the idea of doing this, because it goes against most of what i'm about. Over time, i've come to the conclusion that for some reason, people really don’t care what i have to say. i probably over-analyzed people’s reactions (or lack thereof) when i was speaking. Part of it also probably came from my passion to make silly, corny jokes, which speaking the majority of the time resulted in people not being able to take me seriously anyway.

i came to the conclusion that if i started to speak about things i was thinking about or things i was interested in or accomplished, people would just pass me by. So i learned to listen. And all i ever really have done is listen. And remember. i remember quite a bit about the majority of people i’ve met, and i think this is also a factor in my being upset at times and over-analyzing things. i feel as though since i remember a lot of things about people and try to pick up conversations where we left off, they should remember things about me, too….right?

This lack of opening up or just talking in general came from a long time ago….at least i think it did. Back when i was around 11, my bubbly, over extroverted self, i was told that i talked too much. Hmm. Maybe i take things too personally, but that hit deep. In fact, from that point on, i figured that if i was quiet for a few years and didn’t say anything, then when i started talking people would listen. The result…being quiet all of my junior high, just to speak and have…no change. So that’s where i learned to smile and nod. At least show that i was interested in what people said while remaining mostly silent, so that it didn’t seem like i was a complete jerk. (Note to the reader: i think. A lot. It might even be unhealthy how much i think.)

So then, college. Yeah, big jump, but not much changed since that time anyway. So i show up, and almost immediately find a group of people who i would cling to for a few years. i felt accepted for (mostly) me for the first time in a long, long while. Some prodded for a little bit for me to open up, to go past the surface-level freshman that i was. i kinda fit in. It felt nice, but it wasn’t exactly what i had hoped for. Sure, i had already started a better social life that i could’ve quite imagined, but it had its other side of the coin. For some reason, i was the kind of guy that has that personality that seems to be able to take a lot of teasing and flak without reacting. And i think that’s why it continued for years to come, because i didn’t stand up (for fear of being seen as weak and potentially losing that social group) and just let the jokes ensue. Sure, the group loved to tease, but nine times out of ten, it seemed i was the one who ended up getting to be the butt of all the jokes. (i’m not great at teasing, and i don’t want to be.  i just can’t picture myself finding some sense of satisfaction at another’s potential hurt. Words hurt, people.)

Anyway, continuing through college, applying my exhaustive listening skills, i seemed to have developed a certain ability to connect with people that others couldn’t quite connect with. This had its ups and downs (by no means am i saying that being opened up to was a down, i’ll clarify in a minute.) Being able to show a genuine interest in a person’s life and seeing their earnest trust in my attention was rather rewarding. Sure, most of the time i didn’t have any kind of answer to give people, but i listened, which i think helps half the time, anyway.

Now what i meant by downs is that once people started to take notice of how easily people began to open up to me, i felt as though some people used this. i often heard, “Hey, go talk to this person and find out what’s wrong, they’re my good friend.” (Call me selfish, but that’s not exactly my responsibility, and they are your friend, wouldn’t you know them better than me?) So as a result, i tried my best not to bring to light this ‘ability’ i had, which i know several other people who do, as well. It’s not rare at all.

Jump again. So i decided to start trying to open up, and i feel this is where my social perspective started to change quite a bit. Opening up didn’t bring about the results i had anticipated. Yes, people listened, and yes people remembered, but it seemed to be such a fleeting moment in conversation. Not that i wanted to discuss things about me every day, but to have the very people who pointed out to me that i didn’t open up, not even cordially receive my act of opening up, made me become more grounded in the idea that what i had to say wasn’t important. So i shut up for a short while (not quite a whole three years again, not making that mistake again) and continued to just listen and live a surface-level life.

Don’t we all just want to fit in? To be fought for? To have someone go the extra mile for us? i know i did. i figured if i just waited until someone made it completely clear (without my over-analytical approach) that they wanted to know me more than anyone else, it could happen. Well, that’s basically a fairy tale, because people are only willing to invest a certain amount of time in people before giving up or assuming something else. Besides, smiles can fool people who aren’t looking for something beneath a smile.

So after a while, i was asked by a couple of my friends why i didn’t let people know about things going on in my life, and that’s when i thought, “Hey, maybe this is it. Maybe i should just start explaining. This is good.” So i started, stating that it began when someone told me that i talked too much…..as soon as those words had left my lips….the attention to the spilling of my guts had been diverted to a quick tease to me talking to much already. Wow. If you’ve ever wondered why i don’t open up, well it’s because the majority of the time i get the feeling that the listener doesn’t care, and i have plenty of examples to show it. i barely open up to the few, very few people i know currently care right now, and have very little to no intention of trying to open up to new people for fear of history repeating itself. Seriously, if someone starts to tell their life story, shut up and listen. Don’t speak in jest.

Well, that was different. i can say i’m definitely not used to this, because i feel as though posts like this will be seen as attention-getting or venting or unnecessary, but i’m sure at least one positive thing can come from this, if not me trying to be open.  That’s all.

August 11, 2011

Forgive me once again, as i struggle with the doubts of who You are. My stupid, ignorant, frail self, confused by the 'pleasures' of this evil world, becomes blind and deaf to Your Grace time and time again. Although i know You are True, You are Love, You Are, i forget. i am distracted. i get caught up in the ways of this world. But that changed, with You, that night, when You made Yourself clear. A night when no one else was around, when all was silent, and a gentle breeze and rain filled the sky. i questioned You, Your methods, Your ways, in my arrogance and confusion. Why? Something i could not comprehend, but You, in Your loving Grace and Mercy, showed me, an unworthy subject, You. My life changed. A path i thought could be deemed worthwhile, prevalent to Your Will, was shown differently by You Yourself. Laying on the ground, as rain poured onto my face, and the stars glimmering in the sky, as i shouted to You, "Where are You? Why am i? i want to hear You!" i asked for a sign, a symbol, a confirmation. Nothing coincidental, but yet, something that i, and only i, could comprehend. On a night where meteors would be abundant, none showed. When normally rain, hitting the skin in the cool of the night, would cause me to shiver, i felt warm. When nothing but the smell of rain and freshness, was suddenly penetrated and overwhelmed by a fragrance my senses had never experienced, when all around me was cold, soaked and wet, i felt free, warm and loved. it was then, and only then, that You made sense. Not the sense that has intrinsic value to us humans, but the sense that can only be experienced by knowing You. You appeared in a way that wouldn't be understood by everyone, but just me. A way that showed You loved me, for me. And i vowed that night, to do whatever i could possibly do, to never doubt again. To never give in again. To please You, and only You. To surrender all that i am, to depend solely upon You. Such emotions from that night will never be forgotten, and if i ever falter in times of trouble again, i will recall that night, and remember that moment of Truth that You revealed to me, allowed me to see. i thank You, for everything. Everything You've done, have done, will continue to do, knowing that i will probably mess up, fail You, pile dirt on Your name, misrepresent You, repeat the actions that You sacrificed Yourself for, sin. Your Love, i'll never fully grasp or comprehend. But one thing i do know: You Are. Thanks.